Thankfulness In the Darkness
Nov. 15th, 2025 07:12 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
enchantedsnowforestDear Diary,
Mom and Grandma dropped me off at a bookstore. I mostly wandered around bored because I was broke. I couldn't even buy a cheap copy of Dracula because I didn't have $13. It was okay. Mom and Grandma bought a coffee table while I wandered aimlessly in the bookstore. It kept almost falling on me on the way home tonight. I had to hold it down so it wouldn't topple over.
I am very blessed right now. I forgot to mention I no longer have to wear heavy, thick glasses. I got cataract surgery at the ripe age of 33 and now I have lens implanted that are beautiful. I see my big eyes now. I'm still near sighted obviously but I no longer look like I'm blind to the casual observer.
Being the wise lady she is, Grandma told me something profound. She said to enjoy Mom and herself while I have them. She said that I will not have the two of them forever. I almost choked back tears. I've been feeling very low and depressed. Mostly because no one wants to be my friend. Partly because I also am afraid to have friends too. Because of my melancholic drama as a teenager, people have left me exactly where I thought I wanted to be at the time....all alone. It was almost enough to make me jump off a local bridge in town. But I've mainly resisted because of family. When they are gone, I will have beautiful memories of a beautiful, caring family. I love my little family of Mom and Grandma dearly.
I don't want to die. I just want my circumstances to change. So I've decided to be thankful. I'm thankful for the food in the fridge, the chandelier hanging in my room, the overstuffed closet in my room and even my little dog and cat. I'm thankful for the people who love me.
-Kathryn Rose
Mom and Grandma dropped me off at a bookstore. I mostly wandered around bored because I was broke. I couldn't even buy a cheap copy of Dracula because I didn't have $13. It was okay. Mom and Grandma bought a coffee table while I wandered aimlessly in the bookstore. It kept almost falling on me on the way home tonight. I had to hold it down so it wouldn't topple over.
I am very blessed right now. I forgot to mention I no longer have to wear heavy, thick glasses. I got cataract surgery at the ripe age of 33 and now I have lens implanted that are beautiful. I see my big eyes now. I'm still near sighted obviously but I no longer look like I'm blind to the casual observer.
Being the wise lady she is, Grandma told me something profound. She said to enjoy Mom and herself while I have them. She said that I will not have the two of them forever. I almost choked back tears. I've been feeling very low and depressed. Mostly because no one wants to be my friend. Partly because I also am afraid to have friends too. Because of my melancholic drama as a teenager, people have left me exactly where I thought I wanted to be at the time....all alone. It was almost enough to make me jump off a local bridge in town. But I've mainly resisted because of family. When they are gone, I will have beautiful memories of a beautiful, caring family. I love my little family of Mom and Grandma dearly.
I don't want to die. I just want my circumstances to change. So I've decided to be thankful. I'm thankful for the food in the fridge, the chandelier hanging in my room, the overstuffed closet in my room and even my little dog and cat. I'm thankful for the people who love me.
-Kathryn Rose