laptop open finally
Mar. 12th, 2026 01:26 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
enchantedsnowforestDear Diary,
I finally opened my laptop after not opening it for a few months. I'm happy to report that I've been doing just okay. I left my old church. This time I feel it is going to be permanent. I'm just not interested in going back and forth and being embarrassed anymore. I have no friends there whatsoever. I wish I had stayed at the Guerra's church. I was making friends. I never dreamed I would be dropped as a friend by two people who used to go to the church. We all have our reasons for leaving but why drop me? What did I do to them? I know when I was younger I used to scream inappropriate songs on the church bus on the way to youth rallies. Was it stupid? Highly. Was it the schizophrenia? Partly. But as the years went on by, I outgrew all that mess. I got professional help. I got the help I needed but I'm still met with a stony silence due to all my craziness as a teenager. I cut my hair, I wear jewelry, I wear pants yet there's a part of me that wishes I had been in church as a teenager. I would probably have friends or maybe even a husband by now. Who knows? I wasn't a normal person. Not even back then. As a teenager, I converted to theistic satanism. Something that to me, represented freedom and liberation from the parts of Christianity that still had a hold on me. I still have a faint hold of it. I pray to Jesus sometimes. Although I am Protestant, I still pray to the Virgin Mary sometimes. But very rarely do I read the Christian Bible. I need help. I need to find another church I guess.
Love, Kathryn Rose Of The Enchanted Snow Forest
I finally opened my laptop after not opening it for a few months. I'm happy to report that I've been doing just okay. I left my old church. This time I feel it is going to be permanent. I'm just not interested in going back and forth and being embarrassed anymore. I have no friends there whatsoever. I wish I had stayed at the Guerra's church. I was making friends. I never dreamed I would be dropped as a friend by two people who used to go to the church. We all have our reasons for leaving but why drop me? What did I do to them? I know when I was younger I used to scream inappropriate songs on the church bus on the way to youth rallies. Was it stupid? Highly. Was it the schizophrenia? Partly. But as the years went on by, I outgrew all that mess. I got professional help. I got the help I needed but I'm still met with a stony silence due to all my craziness as a teenager. I cut my hair, I wear jewelry, I wear pants yet there's a part of me that wishes I had been in church as a teenager. I would probably have friends or maybe even a husband by now. Who knows? I wasn't a normal person. Not even back then. As a teenager, I converted to theistic satanism. Something that to me, represented freedom and liberation from the parts of Christianity that still had a hold on me. I still have a faint hold of it. I pray to Jesus sometimes. Although I am Protestant, I still pray to the Virgin Mary sometimes. But very rarely do I read the Christian Bible. I need help. I need to find another church I guess.
Love, Kathryn Rose Of The Enchanted Snow Forest