Books, Loneliness & A Void
Nov. 13th, 2025 11:53 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
enchantedsnowforestI've thrown myself into books lately. I forgot how much I've loved to read. My reading comprehension stops at Young Adult/Teen books but it's okay I guess. I mean, as long as I recognize I am now 33 years old and no longer a teenager. It stops my blood cold when I read of teenagers with best friends or friends in general.
I have an occasional best friend who is also my cousin that is significantly younger than me. Her name is Leana. We are friends sometimes. She likes to write letters to her other friends so I think for Christmas I shall buy her Sharpie pens that are double sided. She doesn't always want to hang out but I suppose that's okay. Have you ever longed to be popular? I used to be somewhat popular with three friends at once but those days are long gone. I miss popularity. I miss friendships. I miss having a lot of friends. Not just one friend. I heard a wise preacher man say once that if you count your true friends on one hand then you are blessed. I'm not much for religion these days. I mean, I whisper an occasional prayer once or I might read a Scripture in the Holy Bible a time or two but I'm no longer obsessed. Sometimes I miss it. Like God was and is a friend but I feel like He comes with a lot of conditions. Christianity has always been counter cultural. The Bible stands for things like purity culture. It's something that can be very hard to live out - much less stand for. Slowly, I'm finding this Christian lifestyle is a very difficult lifestyle. It's something I'm very disappointed in. The belief that a loving Lord burns people for all eternity with eternal snake bites, torture and fires is a very sad, dismal belief. So I throw myself in poetry and books instead of ancient books. Because after all, when I read a book of poetry I can know that it will never crucify me.
I have an occasional best friend who is also my cousin that is significantly younger than me. Her name is Leana. We are friends sometimes. She likes to write letters to her other friends so I think for Christmas I shall buy her Sharpie pens that are double sided. She doesn't always want to hang out but I suppose that's okay. Have you ever longed to be popular? I used to be somewhat popular with three friends at once but those days are long gone. I miss popularity. I miss friendships. I miss having a lot of friends. Not just one friend. I heard a wise preacher man say once that if you count your true friends on one hand then you are blessed. I'm not much for religion these days. I mean, I whisper an occasional prayer once or I might read a Scripture in the Holy Bible a time or two but I'm no longer obsessed. Sometimes I miss it. Like God was and is a friend but I feel like He comes with a lot of conditions. Christianity has always been counter cultural. The Bible stands for things like purity culture. It's something that can be very hard to live out - much less stand for. Slowly, I'm finding this Christian lifestyle is a very difficult lifestyle. It's something I'm very disappointed in. The belief that a loving Lord burns people for all eternity with eternal snake bites, torture and fires is a very sad, dismal belief. So I throw myself in poetry and books instead of ancient books. Because after all, when I read a book of poetry I can know that it will never crucify me.